Monday, August 8, 2016

Finding Frogs

Over the past few weeks, I've been cautiously dipping my toes into the world of online dating. And let me tell you... it's scary out there folks. 

I actually met my ex-husband online, which I suppose isn't a stellar recommendation, since he turned out to be a boil on the butt of humanity (there's a Steel Magnolias quote for pretty much every situation in life, isn't there?). But I have friends who have met perfectly charming guys who became perfectly lovely boyfriends or husbands, so figured I'd give it another try.

While I have tentatively struck up conversations with a couple of guys that do seem nice, I'll share some initial observations:

1. Maybe I'm just getting old (OK, probably), but I have a sneaky suspicion that a lot of these men are shaving a few years, if not decades, off their ages. 

2. Manitoba does not qualify as "within 50 miles of Atlanta." Although if Trump wins, I might reconsider.

3. Screen names that end in "4U" AND mention a body part or sexual position are actually kind of a turn-off. Ditto screen names that include "LUV."

4. If every last one of his pictures include images of fishing, dead animals, motorcycles and NASCAR stadiums, I'm just not sure we're going to have that much in common.

5. While they're probably judging my boobs and my butt, I'm judging their grammatical and spelling choices.

Bonus. Professional wrestlers need not apply.  Especially those in metallic hot pants and a keffiyeh. I'm not kidding. Really. And keep in mind the age range of my dating profile. I need eye bleach.


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